Fear is my foe, my fatal flaw, unforgivable.
And yet it is my most patient friend, most loyal indeed, never to leave, only to disappear, from view, but ever and always near.
It is not oppressive as others may say, nor is it imposing as you might believe.
But its mere presence is enough to render rationale undone, to allow the imagination to run free, to see the light as if without capacity to refract itself, from the blinding light into an array of colors soon in sight.
Fear is neither a being, nor an object. It is is hardly even a state, of which -for lack of better description, and more truly, understanding, I only begin to thus quantify.
And it is here, as I write, that I shape what is the thing, so called fear, and more impressively, create the perception of a reality, but one reality, so called fear.
Note: Access to Blogger is still blocked within China. Without access to a much appreciated VPN (proxy), I would be unable to publish to my blog from within mainland China. Thus, I am blessed and grateful to be sharing.
20090722
20090721
six four
This post is long overdue, but at long last it will be shared.
June 4, 2009
After a busy day of teaching English to local elementary students, I was lucky enough to catch mass transit to the city square, otherwise known as Tiananmen Square，天安门 (tiān'ānmén), before it closed.
Quite literally, I arrived just minutes before the Square closed. I couldn't recall the square closing so early before, not even 8p, but sure enough the square was closing. Was it an early closing? A typical closing? Only another visit at a later, less memorable date could answer this question.
the Square after closing, looking south
To reach the Square, you must enter through below the ground security checkpoints, finally taking a set of stairs up directly onto the Square. Below ground, a bag check (X-ray) conveyor is there to make sure no dangerous or hazardous items are taken to such a public place. These electronic bag checks exist at every single subway entrance, and it is a rare bag that walks unnoticed past the security guards (but it does happen).
The underground channel was filled with people coming, slowly, and leaving, freely. I dropped my bag onto the conveyor and matched my pace to gather it upon its exit.
On this particular day, June 4th 2009, at this particular security crossing, there were approximately 15 guards -all uniformed but one, who was talking with a uniformed and swinging a closed umbrella (it was not only not raining, but dusk and underground!)
Without so much as a hesitation from the guards, I proceeded onto the square, ever curious as to the waiting demographics of the crowd.
a waning crowd at dusk, looking south across Tiananmen Square:
Sobriety and irony on the 20th Anniversary of the June 4th, 1989 Incident
at and around Tiananmen［天安门], literally, the Gate of Heavenly Peace, Beijing
It was busy with people, but not a solid mass. There were foreigners and locals, male and female, the elderly and babe alike. It was a visual cross-section that made it impossible to really identify their purpose for coming. Was it just a random visit on a random Thursday evening? Or a silent commemoration with simply presence?
police on guard while soldiers transport the flag across Chang'an Boulevard (长安大街)
Back on the Square, I wandered around during the final minutes of the Square's opening, took a few pictures, but the dusk [and my limited camera] prevented me from capturing more. Police vehicles circled and weaved through the crowd like remotely controlled toy cars, which may not be too far from the truth.
a police car warns of the Square's closing
A German woman approached me, inquiring about the message being broadcast from the vehicles. And so, with her in tow, I approached a vehicle. Unfortunately, its speed was faster than my walking pace, and the clarity of the speakers not so... clear. My translation was nothing more than a few broken words, but I gathered enough that it was simply an end of day message.
Then the sweet English came through loud and clear, as only one's mother tongue is capable of transcending even poor speakers. This recording doubled over itself tirelessly, first in Mandarin, followed by English:
June 4th, 2009 - a view of Tiananmen Square on the 20th Anniversary of 'Six Four'
Six Four is still a hushed topic, which is how it is referred to by the Chinese. It is hardly a topic of conversation for a public setting, and even a private setting may bring no more transparency. It is not clear how many locals are aware of the Incident, some twenty years on.
Websites referencing June 4th, 1989, have been and apparently will be blocked until an unknown date of truthful admission. What knowledge is available here in the Mainland is spread by verbal stealth, of memories carved and of foreign journalism.
While there is much uncertainty and even greater speculation about the details of the events of that fateful day, the elder generations acknowledge it with solemn remembrance or staunch denial. The younger generation, yet born or still toddling about, now either acknowledges it with removed curiosity or is quite totally unaware.
Taken from an earlier posting:
There is more than solemn irony in the name of this square, for Tiananmen quite literally means 'the Gate of Heavenly Peace'.
But for at least this June 4th, Tiananmen held true to its name, with the peaceful commemoration of an event -an event that did happen twenty years earlier.
Note: Access to Blogger is still blocked within China. Without access to a much appreciated VPN (proxy), I would be unable to write such a post and publish it to my blog from within mainland China. Thus, I am blessed and grateful to be sharing.
June 4, 2009
After a busy day of teaching English to local elementary students, I was lucky enough to catch mass transit to the city square, otherwise known as Tiananmen Square，天安门 (tiān'ānmén), before it closed.
Quite literally, I arrived just minutes before the Square closed. I couldn't recall the square closing so early before, not even 8p, but sure enough the square was closing. Was it an early closing? A typical closing? Only another visit at a later, less memorable date could answer this question.
the Square after closing, looking southThe underground channel was filled with people coming, slowly, and leaving, freely. I dropped my bag onto the conveyor and matched my pace to gather it upon its exit.
On this particular day, June 4th 2009, at this particular security crossing, there were approximately 15 guards -all uniformed but one, who was talking with a uniformed and swinging a closed umbrella (it was not only not raining, but dusk and underground!)
Without so much as a hesitation from the guards, I proceeded onto the square, ever curious as to the waiting demographics of the crowd.
a waning crowd at dusk, looking south across Tiananmen Square:Sobriety and irony on the 20th Anniversary of the June 4th, 1989 Incident
at and around Tiananmen［天安门], literally, the Gate of Heavenly Peace, Beijing
It was busy with people, but not a solid mass. There were foreigners and locals, male and female, the elderly and babe alike. It was a visual cross-section that made it impossible to really identify their purpose for coming. Was it just a random visit on a random Thursday evening? Or a silent commemoration with simply presence?
When our voice is lost to those who listen, our presence is not lost to those who see.The sun was beginning to set. I noticed a large crowd gathering at the north end of the square, with a police car patrolling the area with a broadcast message. Upon closer inspection, the crowd had gathered for the daily flag lowering, as is usual at the close of each day. A set of [uniformed] soldiers filed out and crossed the Chang'an Boulevard (长安大街) towards the Forbidden City.
police on guard while soldiers transport the flag across Chang'an Boulevard (长安大街)Back on the Square, I wandered around during the final minutes of the Square's opening, took a few pictures, but the dusk [and my limited camera] prevented me from capturing more. Police vehicles circled and weaved through the crowd like remotely controlled toy cars, which may not be too far from the truth.
a police car warns of the Square's closingA German woman approached me, inquiring about the message being broadcast from the vehicles. And so, with her in tow, I approached a vehicle. Unfortunately, its speed was faster than my walking pace, and the clarity of the speakers not so... clear. My translation was nothing more than a few broken words, but I gathered enough that it was simply an end of day message.
Then the sweet English came through loud and clear, as only one's mother tongue is capable of transcending even poor speakers. This recording doubled over itself tirelessly, first in Mandarin, followed by English:
Ladies and Gentlemen, Tiananmen Square is now closing for the night. Please take all your personal belongs and leave the square as directed by the police officers on duty. Thank you for your understanding and for your cooperation. We hope to see you again. 游客你好。今日广场...I shot a few video clips, not realizing that I would later be grateful for it. In fact, nothing spectacular happened, but it still proved to be a memorable evening.
June 4th, 2009 - a view of Tiananmen Square on the 20th Anniversary of 'Six Four'
Interestingly, the plain-clothes soldiers were quite easy to identify in the crowd. Typically sporting a polo shirt and jeans and sun visor, they all carried a bag across their shoulder or around their waist. And as they joined the uniformed soldiers and filed out at the close of the day, no secrecy was worn as they 'kept the peace'.
plains-clothes soldiers line up with uniformed soldiers
plains-clothes soldiers line up with uniformed soldiersSix Four is still a hushed topic, which is how it is referred to by the Chinese. It is hardly a topic of conversation for a public setting, and even a private setting may bring no more transparency. It is not clear how many locals are aware of the Incident, some twenty years on.
Websites referencing June 4th, 1989, have been and apparently will be blocked until an unknown date of truthful admission. What knowledge is available here in the Mainland is spread by verbal stealth, of memories carved and of foreign journalism.
While there is much uncertainty and even greater speculation about the details of the events of that fateful day, the elder generations acknowledge it with solemn remembrance or staunch denial. The younger generation, yet born or still toddling about, now either acknowledges it with removed curiosity or is quite totally unaware.
Taken from an earlier posting:
...As any good story might begin, a friend of a friend shared this experience: She is a college student, masters student, and part of the Communist Party. On occasion, they have participation 'homework', which could be in the form or attending/planning meetings or writing a rather nationalistic essay. This year, for June 4th, 2009, she was given a special assignment: she was informed that she would be the
"Supervisor of the Prevention of a Commemoration for an Event that Never Happened".
Needless to say, such a delegation had the student, previously and otherwise oblivious to and uninformed of the 1989 Tiananmen Square Massacre, asking a few difficult questions of her own. If an event didn't happen, why would anyone be commemorating it? And more importantly, why would anyone spend time, energy, and resources to prevent the commemoration of something that never happened?
There is more than solemn irony in the name of this square, for Tiananmen quite literally means 'the Gate of Heavenly Peace'.
But for at least this June 4th, Tiananmen held true to its name, with the peaceful commemoration of an event -an event that did happen twenty years earlier.
Note: Access to Blogger is still blocked within China. Without access to a much appreciated VPN (proxy), I would be unable to write such a post and publish it to my blog from within mainland China. Thus, I am blessed and grateful to be sharing.
20090717
light of dark
It is in the might of darkness near
that the humble soul asks simply
that the way light the path, and
'lo the blessed soul is blinded by the light
that simply is but darkness' wrath,
which never is what darkness hath.
Note: Access to Blogger is still blocked within China. Without access to a much appreciated VPN (proxy), I would be unable to publish to my blog from within mainland China. Thus, I am blessed and grateful to be sharing.
that the humble soul asks simply
that the way light the path, and
'lo the blessed soul is blinded by the light
that simply is but darkness' wrath,
which never is what darkness hath.
Note: Access to Blogger is still blocked within China. Without access to a much appreciated VPN (proxy), I would be unable to publish to my blog from within mainland China. Thus, I am blessed and grateful to be sharing.
20090716
oppress this
It is time to be heard.
Just last month, China announced a threat to install anti-pornography software on every computer sold in China, or so says western media. However, local media specifies more flexibility, under the name of choice and freedom. The truth simply is hard to capture in black and white.
One thing that is easily quantified is a number of websites currently (or recently) blocked from the local view within China as a result of the recent clashes in the northwest province of Xinjiang between the Uyghur and Han ethnicities, without having to dig very deep:
The blocking of websites in China often points to the speculation that the Chinese government simply does not want locals accessing foreign media. Unfortunately, most locals are not aware of the above mentioned sites, as they do not use English to surf the web. Furthermore, they are unaware of resources provided by an English-native creator, albeit with the availability of translation into Mandarin. I would like to suggest that the blocking of websites is more so to block foreigners from disseminating views, experience, or facts with the outside world.
In this sense, it is an honor to be one of the many people whose voice is restricted... not simply because it means my thoughts are profound. Not simply because I have something worth saying. But because I have something to say which is worth hearing, and the People's Republic of China would rather it not be heard.
Who plants a seed with roots anew is soon to see the shoot.
As any good story might begin, a friend of a friend shared this experience: She is a college student, masters student, and part of the Communist Party. On occasion, they have participation 'homework', which could be in the form or attending/planning meetings or writing a rather nationalistic essay. This year, for June 4th, 2009, she was given a special assignment: she was informed that she would be the
"Supervisor of the Prevention of a Commemoration for an Event that Never Happened".
Needless to say, such a delegation had the student, previously and otherwise oblivious to and uninformed of the 1989 Tiananmen Square Massacre, asking a few difficult questions of her own. If an event didn't happen, why would anyone be commemorating it? And more importantly, why would anyone spend time, energy, and resources to prevent the commemoration of something that never happened?
And so... stranded over here in a form of isolation, which shall succeed neither to brainwash nor dirty it more, I write with a bit a clarity, with reflection on what it means to be sheltered in the professed interest of protection.
The fascist smashes the egg to silence the rooster.
"this video is not available in your country..."
"Connection interrupted: the connection to the server was reset while the page was loading"
"The connection has timed out: the server at wikipedia.org is taking too long to respond."
Just last month, China announced a threat to install anti-pornography software on every computer sold in China, or so says western media. However, local media specifies more flexibility, under the name of choice and freedom. The truth simply is hard to capture in black and white.
One thing that is easily quantified is a number of websites currently (or recently) blocked from the local view within China as a result of the recent clashes in the northwest province of Xinjiang between the Uyghur and Han ethnicities, without having to dig very deep:
- wikipedia
- blogger
- wordpress
- twitter
- yahoo
- youtube
- bbc
- wikipedia
- blogger
- wordpress
- and many more...
- oral children's efl game
The blocking of websites in China often points to the speculation that the Chinese government simply does not want locals accessing foreign media. Unfortunately, most locals are not aware of the above mentioned sites, as they do not use English to surf the web. Furthermore, they are unaware of resources provided by an English-native creator, albeit with the availability of translation into Mandarin. I would like to suggest that the blocking of websites is more so to block foreigners from disseminating views, experience, or facts with the outside world.
In this sense, it is an honor to be one of the many people whose voice is restricted... not simply because it means my thoughts are profound. Not simply because I have something worth saying. But because I have something to say which is worth hearing, and the People's Republic of China would rather it not be heard.
Who plants a seed with roots anew is soon to see the shoot.
As any good story might begin, a friend of a friend shared this experience: She is a college student, masters student, and part of the Communist Party. On occasion, they have participation 'homework', which could be in the form or attending/planning meetings or writing a rather nationalistic essay. This year, for June 4th, 2009, she was given a special assignment: she was informed that she would be the
"Supervisor of the Prevention of a Commemoration for an Event that Never Happened".
Needless to say, such a delegation had the student, previously and otherwise oblivious to and uninformed of the 1989 Tiananmen Square Massacre, asking a few difficult questions of her own. If an event didn't happen, why would anyone be commemorating it? And more importantly, why would anyone spend time, energy, and resources to prevent the commemoration of something that never happened?
And so... stranded over here in a form of isolation, which shall succeed neither to brainwash nor dirty it more, I write with a bit a clarity, with reflection on what it means to be sheltered in the professed interest of protection.
The fascist smashes the egg to silence the rooster.
Note: the below photos are screenshots taken from my browsing experiences while in the heartland of China:
"this video is not available in your country..."
"Connection interrupted: the connection to the server was reset while the page was loading"
"The connection has timed out: the server at wikipedia.org is taking too long to respond."Note: Access to Blogger is still blocked within China. Without access to a much appreciated VPN (proxy), I would be unable to write such a post or publish it to my blog from within mainland China. Thus, I am blessed and grateful to be sharing.
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